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bereavement leave and the grief we don’t talk about

The government are consulting on proposals to extend bereavement leave to those who lose a baby before 24 weeks gestation. Musician Myleen Klass, a vocal campaigner for miscarriage awareness, is amongst those who welcome this move. She is quoted in a BBC article speaking in favour of this development from her own experience of pregnancy loss and from her conversations with numerous others. She says leave following pregnancy loss should not be limited to statutory sick leave, or worse, to none at all. In her own words: ‘you’re not ill, you’ve lost a child, there is a death in the family’. She is further quoted as saying, ‘it’s a taboo – nobody wants to talk about dead babies – but you have to actually say it as it is. To lose a child is harrowing, it’s traumatic.

Her words are striking. They bring into the open a grief that is often hidden. Scripture offers wise counsel when inviting us to mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). The loss of a child, including before 24 weeks, is clearly a cause of deep pain, lament, and mourning in many families. The wider community should honour that mourning. So, it seems that extending bereavement leave could be a compassionate and welcome step.

But towards the end of the BBC article reporting on this proposal, I was struck by another detail. The government estimates that around 250,000 pregnancies end through miscarriage every year. The figure resonated with me because it is close to another figure – the number of pregnancies that end through abortion every year – 251,277 abortions for women resident in England and Wales in the last published year.

This prompts a difficult but important question: why are those mothers excluded from the reporting here? Will they not be included in this extension of bereavement leave? They are entitled to apply for a baby loss certificate to recognise the life of their baby so surely they should also be included and eligible for bereavement leave.

And beyond eligibility for bereavement leave, the sharing of experiences of baby loss in earlier pregnancy should cause us to ask if women considering abortion at a similar stage are being adequately prepared for the emotional weight of their decision? Klass describes how ‘harrowing’ and ‘traumatic’ it can be to lose a child by miscarriage, even before 24 weeks. Might other women use similar language for their loss of a baby following abortion too?  Research from David Fergusson in New Zealand found that following abortion, 71.1 per cent of women felt sadness (34.6 per cent ‘very much so’); 63.5 per cent felt guilt (33.7 per cent ‘very much so’) and 60.6 per cent felt no satisfaction at all.

Just last month, as well as voting for the decriminalisation of mothers with respect to ending their own pregnancy at any gestation, MPs voted against a different proposal which sought to bring an end to the ‘pills by post’ abortion scheme. This scheme has many dangers, and this issue raises yet another. How can mothers receive adequate time, support, and counselling to consider possible emotional (as well as physical, moral, and spiritual) consequences of ending a pregnancy and losing a child (even at an early gestation) in the relatively impersonal context of a phone call with an unknown assessor?

As the government is now acknowledging the grief of losing a child before 24 weeks, it must also consider that grief may follow from choosing an abortion, even early in a pregnancy. It is right to honour baby loss, but we must do so with honesty, care, and consistency, which must include consideration of those who have brought about that loss through abortion or who are considering doing so.

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