doctor's life support

18th March: Out of the Depths

He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. He came unto his own, and his own received him not. John 1:10-11 (AV)

Lord, today I have had no time with you alone. I have longed all day for a break, just to come back to you and tell you that I love you above all else. But this was not to be. I had a whole day's work to get through: fifteen list admissions, twenty patients on the wards and none of them altogether well, scores of forms to complete, many for `serum rhubarb' (a favourite investigation) and, as well, I was on call at night for all medical wards and all emergencies. The `bleep' continually interrupted my flow of work. I have never been so reluctantly indispensable in all my life -- and never so exhausted.

My patience was wearing thin, Lord -- I cut short the fat gentleman who was telling me about all his aches and pains -- I walked straight past the bed of that elderly lady dying of pneumonia, whose eyes were dulled with incomprehension, staring at the mad world passing by -- I couldn't bring myself to stop: I felt so tired within. Tears welled into my eyes: what a failure of a day! Have i not failed you, my sweet Lord, repeatedly, today? Have I not walked straight past you without a loving word of comfort? But I must disappear before colleagues see my tears.

A comforting arm came around my shoulders and she, my senior house officer, simply whispered: `Don't worry. We've all been through this'. I cried with tears of relief. Your words to St Paul came back to me: `My power is strongest when you are weak. My grace is all you need' (2 Cor 12:9 GNB).

Be it unto me, Lord, according to your word (Lk 1:38).

Further reading: 1 Cor 1:26-29. Heb 4:14-15.

L-MN