CMF file 79 – teenage sex & sexual identity

The last CMF File on teenage sex was written 18 years ago, and it remains a very helpful resource. Many of its insights hold true because human nature, our basic biology, and God’s word have not changed.

However, while these foundations remain constant, the environment in which young people are growing up has changed dramatically. Sex remains one of the most important aspects of teenage life, but the part it plays and the way teenagers think about it has undergone a significant shift. This file, which can be read alongside its predecessor, seeks to map out this new and complex sexual landscape so that compassion and truth can continue to guide those who care for today’s young people.

enduring pressures

In Teenage Sex (CMF file 37), 1 Dr Trevor Stammers described the significant pressures facing young people in 2008. Many of his observations remain strikingly relevant today, and in some areas, these have intensified. He noted the ‘relentless media pressure to have sex as early as possible’, and this was before smartphones and when social media was in its infancy. The government’s Teenage Pregnancy Strategy had been in action for eight years, promoting access to contraception and improved sex and relationships education. However,  as he argues, these measures were not as effective as  reported, in some cases actually increasing teenage sexual activity rather than reducing it. 2

Dr Stammers also looks at some of the concerning consequences of teenage sex that continue to be significant issues today:sexually transmitted infections

The number of new diagnoses of sexually transmitted diseases (STIs) has continued to remain high (only decreasing during Covid lockdowns, when opportunities for casual sex were reduced and screening was also reduced). For some conditions, the numbers have continued to increase.

HPV

Human papillomavirus is a common cause of genital and anal warts and can cause cervical cancer as well as anal and head and neck cancers. The HPV vaccine has been offered to girls aged 12-13 since 2008 and boys aged 12-13 since 2019. This programme has been somewhat controversial due to concerns about risk versus benefit, as well as the ethics of vaccinating 12-13-year-olds against a sexually transmitted infection. 4 There is some evidence that rates of cervical cancer are decreasing in the age group of women who have been vaccinated.

abortion

The number of abortions in under-18s was steadily decreasing (although it is difficult to know what impact the availability of the ‘morning after pill’ has had on this), but increased again in 2022 (the most recent UK statistics available). The number of under-18s undergoing abortion, having had one or more previous abortions, remains static at around eight per cent.

psychological consequences

Dr Stammers highlighted some of the evidence that early and casual sexual experiences are often looked back on with regret and can affect the potential for successful committed relationships in the future. 5

mapping changes to the sexual landscape

We have seen that many of the concerns raised in the 2008 file remain just as pressing. It is therefore important to consider some of the changes in society that have occurred over the last 17 years. The pressure to engage in sexual intimacy remains very real, but there are now other aspects that previous generations did not have to contend with.

the digital revolution

Introduction of smartphones: The first iPhone was introduced in 2007, and the iPad in 2010. Those born between 1997 and 2010 are known as Generation Z or iGen and have never known life without the Internet and being constantly connected to people. Those born from 2010 onwards (known as Generation Alpha) have grown up using them from a very young age. They are the first generation of children who never knew a time when social media did not exist. This has changed the landscape on sex and sexuality in several ways:

■    Online pornography and other explicit content – before the existence of the World Wide Web (1990s onwards), pornography was limited to magazines, books, and videos, all of which had to be purchased from a shop. As the Internet became more widespread, pornography and explicit content could be accessed in the privacy of the home and even the bedroom. The introduction of smartphones means that teenagers (and even young children) potentially have near-constant access. Extreme sexual behaviours viewed in pornography have become increasingly normalised. 6

■    Social media – widespread use began in the early 2000s with sites such as Facebook and YouTube. The emergence of smartphones and tablets, along with the increasing number and variety of social media platforms, means that teenagers (and younger children) are almost constantly in touch with vast numbers of people. Friendships and relationships are increasingly conducted virtually, and the dangers of grooming and sexual exploitation are very real. In addition, algorithms mean that content is individually targeted. 7

■    Influencers – these content creators have access to wide audiences and can share information to persuade people. Increasingly, teenagers use influencers as their sole source of information, trusting all that they say. 8

■    Messaging – as people increasingly conduct friendships and relationships online, including through the use of gaming platforms, the rise of ‘sexting’ and sending ‘nudes’ is being seen in teenagers and younger children. This opens children up to potential harm, especially if they are targeted by adults posing as children or if conversations with peers are shared with others. 9 It also affects the way teens develop friendships and relationships. ‘Interactions in cyberspace often lead to accelerated intimacy and a sense of identity that may differ from one’s offline persona.’ 10

Covid:

The restrictions that were enforced between 2020 and 2021 meant that children and young people were confined to their homes for prolonged periods, with all learning and ‘socialising’ taking place online. This situation magnified the various aspects already mentioned, and it is likely that habits formed during periods of lockdown will have far-reaching implications. 11,12

cultural shifts in ‘sexual and gender identities’

LGBTQIA+: A It seems that there is an ever-growing array of sexual and gender identities to choose from or to identify as. A person’s perceived sexuality or gender is deemed to be key to their identity, and the message is often that in order to be truly happy a person has to embrace that identity and live it out in whatever way they choose. Children and teenagers are encouraged to be allies of the LGBTQIA+ community, although are not fully seen as being part of this esteemed community unless they themselves identify as something other than heterosexual and ‘cisgender’. B

Children who have not gone through puberty will not have experienced sexual attraction yet, and so when asked how they identify will frequently answer with bisexual or asexual, particularly in a society where to be ‘straight’ is seen as boring or through the lens of intersectionality as having privilege or power (these are seen as negative because privilege and power are perceived as the marks of oppressors).

Experiencing some attraction for those of the same sex is very common as children go through puberty, but only a minority will go on to exclusively experience same-sex attraction into adulthood. It is well documented that during adolescence, and even into adulthood, there is fluidity and uncertainty in sexual attraction, identity, and behaviour. 13

Interestingly, young people increasingly identify as ‘queer’, C which is an umbrella term for people who do not identify as heterosexual or as cisgender. They may frequently change how they identify within that umbrella and will often identify as bisexual, pansexual, or gender fluid, signifying an apparent shift away from fixed sexual attraction.

Pride: The first Pride march took place in London in 1972. By the 1990s, Pride had become a festival and a parade rather than just a march, and over recent years, the number of Pride events has increased, with over 180 taking place in 2024. June is designated Pride Month, and rainbow flags can be seen everywhere celebrating all things LGBTQIA+. Schools frequently celebrate Pride and encourage children to attend Pride events despite increasingly reports of explicit sexual behaviours as part of these events. 14

changing educational and moral frameworks

Relationships and Sex Education (RSE): The rise of ‘comprehensive sexuality education’ has resulted in increasingly explicit teaching in schools, with the assumption that teenagers are sexually active (or soon will be), and that what is important is a ‘sex positive’ message and an emphasis on consent. Sex-positive messaging frowns upon making any moral or ethical judgments about any type of sexual activity. It encourages an emphasis on individual pleasure and personal preference, and therefore tends to downplay the potential harms of different types of sexual activity. 15,16

Consent: This is seen as the crucial teaching point for children and teens in order for them to develop healthy relationships, and yet the sex education forum says this: ‘Consent is complex and nuanced, even for adults’. 17 Even in the realm of medical consent, we are aware of the difficulties around understanding potential consequences of a medical procedure, especially when in pain. In the area of teenagers and sex, the concept of giving and receiving consent when hormones, emotions, and peer pressure are involved is almost impossible.

STIs: Increasingly, teens are led to believe that STIs are an unavoidable part of life, that ‘safe sex’ will reduce the likelihood of catching them, but that they need to be screened regularly and treated as necessary. 18

shift in moral direction from adults

Overall, there are many who seek to normalise teen sexual behaviour, to provide access to information and resources, with the goal of transforming the social conditions that make teen sexual activity dangerous, rather than acknowledging the inherent dangers of teen sexual activity and therefore discouraging it. Too often, the adults in positions of authority and influence over children and teenagers are encouraging teenagers (sometimes without intending to) to be sexually active (whether that be in real life or online). There is a plethora of online material that not only normalises teen sexual behaviour, but also normalises harmful and extreme sexual practices. One such website BISH 19 gives advice on ‘sex and love’ for teenagers and normalises all kinds of kink and rough sex, for example, ‘If you are wanting to do spanking, or choking there are some specific ways to make these safer. You should definitely read this on safer BDSM from my Kink article.’ 20

Sex is presented as recreational, for personal pleasure and to be indulged in freely. Sex as procreative and for the mutual benefit of a married couple almost never enters into the conversation.

if current trends continue?

As we have seen, there have been many changes over the past few years which have significantly impacted on sex and sexuality, especially in teenagers and young adults. These changes have resulted in a massive shift away from Christian sexual ethics as the basis on which society viewed sexual morality (even if teens rebelled against this), and marriage as an ideal for most people. Carl Trueman says in his book Stange New World, ‘The sexual revolution does not simply represent a growth in the routine transgression of traditional sexual codes…Rather, it is the repudiation of the very idea of such codes in their entirety.’ 21

The situation we now find ourselves in, and which is increasingly seeping into the church, is one where sexuality is seen as core to our identity and that our wellbeing is dependent on being able to be true to ourselves. We live in a world where feelings are deemed far more important that reality or truth, where there are no absolutes, and therefore no moral code, other than allowing others to be true to themselves.

Children and teens are under increasing pressure to declare a sexual identity as well as a gender identity based on their feelings. They are often told on the one hand that how they feel is who they are, that this is fixed and central to their identity, and yet, on the other hand, increasingly teenagers are expressing sexual and gender identities that are fluid – changing from day to day or even hour to hour. They are also under pressure to believe that following their feelings and desires is crucial to their wellbeing.

responding to the current sexual landscape

1. emerging critiques

In recent years, some voices, not speaking from a Christian perspective, have begun to realise the harms of current attitudes towards sex, and especially to teenage sex. Louise Perry 22 and Mary Harrington 23 are among those who are advocating a return to a morality-based approach to sex, including saving sex for marriage.

Louise Perry says: ‘What we need today is a new morality, a new set of virtues: the sexual revolution failed, but women and children were the greatest losers’. 24

2. God’s good design

It is not difficult to see how far from God’s good design for sex society has strayed. Louise Perry calls for ‘a new morality’ but perhaps we need a republication of the eternal moral order. As Nancy Pearcey says in her book, Love Thy Body, ‘The biblical ethic says our sexual identity has the high honor of being part of the moral structure of the universe’. 25

We don’t need to invent a new morality; we can instead look to the God who created us, the good and perfect God who created us in his image to fulfil his purposes. It is only as we understand who God is that we can make sense of who we are and how we are to live.

Jesus said, ‘“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’”’ (Matthew 19:4-6)

So, what is God’s good design?

1. Created in God’s image.
2. Created male and female – equal but different.
3. Sex belongs within a lifelong committed relationship between one man and one woman.
4. Children are a gift from God.
5. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.

Genesis 1 and 2 set out clearly God’s design and purpose. This is reiterated by Jesus and Paul, who explain that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Romantic and sexual relationships are not primarily about the happiness or pleasure of the individual, but point to the great truth of the eternal future when the church will be brought into unity under Jesus Christ.

Our sexual desires do not determine our identity; God does. God designed sex for procreation and to strengthen the bond between husband and wife as they delight in each other. Sex is a wonderful gift from God given to us to enjoy; however, in a fallen world, it is often misused, which sadly results in hurt and damage physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

3. what can we do?

How do you feel when you read this and consider the damage that is being done to children and teenagers by societal attitudes to sex and identity? Perhaps you just want to bury your head in the sand and pretend it isn’t happening? Maybe you think I’m being alarmist? (However, accounts of the escapades of people like Bonnie Blue 26 illustrate the situation.) Or maybe you want to do what you can to protect children and teenagers and help them to understand the goodness of God’s design for our bodies and for sexual intimacy, but just don’t know what to do?

Here are some general principles:

1. Be well informed – it is important to understand both the truth (biological, medical, and biblical), as well as the prevailing culture, and to appreciate that preteens and teens are exposed to all sorts of things online that they genuinely believe are true. It is also important to be aware of what they are being taught (and not taught) at school.
2. Ask questions – listen to what children and teenagers say about what they believe and how they feel. Be genuinely interested in them and hear about what is important to them.

3. Challenge – exactly how you do this will depend very much on the specific situation and the individual. You might do it by asking questions or by posing a different opinion or a different set of facts. Remember that many teenagers (especially those outside the church) have never been told that saving sex for marriage is even a valid option. Many in churches may have been told what the Bible says about marriage and sex, but may not be aware of the evidence that points to the goodness of this design for the whole of humanity.

4. Be positive – whenever you can, promote the goodness of marriage. Talk about marriage, don’t be afraid or ashamed of the wonderful biblical and biological truths. Be a positive role model to children and teenagers, whether you are single or married. Live out God’s goodness yourself and be willing to share that with others.