turning tables
Ceri Fishwick tells us what it’s like to nurse her own family.
Margaret was born in Cathays, Cardiff, before the Second World War. From the tender age of five, she recalls the scorched classroom seats and loss of friends as the incendiary bombs fell onto the school roof, cascading the soot from the burnt roof into the school. In 1953, aged 19, Margaret moved from Cardiff to London to train as an RGN at Mildmay Mission Hospital, Bethnal Green, affiliated with the London Hospital, Whitechapel. Later, Margaret was to return to Cardiff as a midwifery sister. It was during these years, in the late ‘50s, that she met her husband, Peter. They later had four children. During the couple’s younger years, they built and founded two churches that still flourish today. Margaret had a full life as a minister’s wife, accommodating missionaries, heading church youth groups, teaching school children to swim, and even creating a swimming club! Margaret’s life always reflected responsibilities, including caring for her parents and for her husband, who sadly lived a life of poor health.
The tables have turned. Margaret is now the person in need of care, as she lives with the early stages of mixed dementia, namely Alzheimer’s with vascular dementia and a number of co-morbidities. Frailty, poor balance, and general ill health collectively result in significant falls requiring intensive daily care from family members. Constant prompting and assistance are required for each simple task, and despite desperately fighting to maintain her independence, it is clear to see that Margaret understands her vulnerability and dependency. Word finding and remembering family names are particularly frustrating for Margaret, as is her inability to follow conversations. Insomnia and anaemia have led to daytime lethargy, compounding the issues. Some days are happy, others are sad, quiet, nonplussed, or reclusive. When agitated with confusion, distraction rather than correction, so as not to agitate her further, seems the better way. Planning over short periods has helped orientate and provide Margaret with structure and reassurance. Sadly, others address the carer rather than the person suffering dementia, neither assessing her capability to respond nor giving her space in the conversation for thought gathering.
When caring for strangers in the world of employment, it is often difficult to capture the true hardship faced by the person who has dementia or to understand their fears. Interestingly, dementia-friendly ambulance services are being introduced in regions of Yorkshire, which is a positive step. Recognition of how all-consuming this can become for family carers, albeit that they usually face this willingly, is also vital. Despite over 40 years of my own nursing experience, it is only now that I am truly learning the daily struggles of a person suffering from dementia, as Margaret faces a daily variability of short-term memory and reasoning. I am proud to be able to call Margaret my caring Mother for whom I now care.
As Christians, we have our hope in Christ, knowing that whether we can recall or express ourselves, God’s love for us never changes. 2 Corinthians 1:2-4 reminds us that God comforts us in our tribulations so that we may comfort others. We are reminded in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to continue to pray without ceasing and to give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning us. Let us continue trusting in the Lord Jesus and feel his comfort daily.
Ceri Fishwick is formally retired but holds a post as Nurse Advisor for the Welsh Ambulance Service
